MLIS-quotes

Ik verveel me XD

Today, I was called by a telemarketer. When he asked to speak to the head of the household, I began speaking frantic spanish (mostly "No comprendo"). He told me to hold on. After waiting a few seconds, a spanish woman was put on the line. She began speaking, and after a few words I started saying "I can't understand you!". The line went silent and a different english speaking man was put on the line. I got them to switch 4 times. MLIA.

Yesterday, I made cookies in Home Ec. I sat at my bus stop after school, eating them out of a paper bag and couldn't finish them. Instead of wasting them, I wrote "Dear Stranger, please enjoy these cookies. I didn't spit in them. Love, Me." and left the paper bag there. Today they were gone, with a note that said "Dear you, Thanks. Love, Stranger." MLIA.

Sunday, at church, during the children's sermon the Pastor asked "What do you have to do to go to heaven?" Immediately one kid answers "Die." Everyone burst out laughing for the next five minutes. Greatest children's sermon ever. MLIA.

Today, a student of mine handed in a long term essay on a blank piece of paper. He proceeded to tell me it was written in invisible ink, as I told him to see me after class, he pulled out a special light and turned it on and sure enough, there was his essay. He got an A. MLIA

Today, I listened to my health teacher, who said that green foods are healthy. Tonight, I introduced cookie dough ice cream to green food dye. I feel like I beat the system. MLIA

Today, I read an MLIA post about not having to do math homework because page 265 was ripped out. Last year my little sister ripped page 265 out of my transition math text book and ate it. You're welcome, stranger. MLIA.

Yesterday, my daughter got a detention for being late and explaining that she had been parachuting in Thailand the previus night. Today, I went to her school and confirmed what she'd said. the look on the teacher's face was priceless. MLIA.

Today, we got our test back in World History. For one of the questions, we had to name a famous archeologist. I couldn't think of anybody so I just put Indiana Jones. Complete credit was awarded and I ended up getting the highest grade in my class, by one point. MLIA

Today, while at Target, I was summoned by the father of a shy 5 year old. I am in the Army, and I was in uniform. The son wanted to talk to a real soldier. Instead of talking he shot me with the nerf gun he was hiding. Then he laughed and high fived his dad. I'm pretty sure I was ambushed by a five year old genius. MLIA.

Last Night, I went out to dinner with my family. When the 16 year old waitress took our drink orders I ordered a water. Five minutes later when she brought our drinks, I asked if I could get a new water without ice, because I'm allergic to it. Without questioning what I said, she apologized and brought me a new water without ice. My whole family started laughing, she still didn't get. I have lost all faith in the education system. MLIA

Today, my friend was being hit on by some random girl he didn't know. I texted him, "Want me to save you?" His reply, "Please." I proceed to sprint out of the hallway, darted outside (where he and the girl were) and grabbed his wrist, "WHAT?" he yelled. My response as we ran off, "YOUR NEEDED IN THE BATCAVE!" MLIA


Ik begin echt met de minuut meer vertrouwen te krijgen in het vreemdheidsgehalte van de rest van de wereld XD =D