Er staan teveel leuke dingen op die site

Today, I was trying to decide whether or not I needed to wash my favorite hoodie. I looked at the tag and it said: "Machine wash, tumble dry low. Or just wear it dirty." My decision was made. MLIA

Today, I went to lunch with my boyfriend at a local sports bar known for having a small tv in every booth, and several more on the wall, all showing the various sports and news channels. What booth does he pick? The one set to the Disney channel, which was showing Aladdin this afternoon. He's a keeper. MLIA

Today, I was joking around with my male friend. He told me that I, a female, make him doubt his sexuality. After spending several seconds thoroughly offended, I remembered that he's gay. Best compliment ever. MLIA.

I am a new bartender at an expensive restaurant. A lady ordered a margarita that costs $12. It tasted weird but I gave it to her anyways. She never complained and left the restaurant drunk, stumbling and laughing. I realized it tasted weird because I forgot to put the alcohol in it. MLIA.

Today, I was called to the principal's office of my twin son's school because they were cheating on a test. Apparently when one needed an answer they would tap out the number they needed on their test and the other would cough once for A, twice for B, three times for C, and four times for D. I don't know whether to be angry that my children were breaking rules, or worried that my five year olds might be evil geniuses. MLIA

Today I went to the grocery store and bought a bag of fruit with pictures of apples on it. When I got home I opened the bag expecting to find apples, inside were bananas. I checked the label and underneath the word bananas was written "bet you wished you read the label." MLIA

Today, my teacher was trying to stop our class from leaving their phones on silent. He then proceeded to call out the names of the Bluetooth devices that were switched on. Most of them were "Ash Babe" or "Emmaaaaaa" but mine (after being informed by their previous class when he did the same thing) was "I have a secret crush on Mr. Johns". After his cheeks turned a severe beetroot colour, he stopped. And I won. MLIA

Today, I got my graded math test back. One of the questions involved drawing some funky-named geometric figure and I had no clue how to do it. So, naturally, I drew an elephant instead. The teacher simply put a red question mark by it. Apparently, in her confusion, she forgot to count it wrong and take points off my test. I win. MLIA.

Today, a boy was texting under his desk. The teacher called on him and said "Your either texting or playing with your penis, neither of which you should be doing." Awesome teacher. MLIA

Today, my boss was writing next week's schedule. Beside every name, she drew a little picture for Halloween. There was nothing beside my name. I was disappointed, until she told me there's a ninja beside mine. MLIA.

Today, I was discussing the probability of me failing my English class with my mom. She proceeded to tell me to "do anything I could to get a good grade" then after a paused begged me not to sleep with my teacher unless absolutely necessary. MLIA

Today, I went to the local orchard. They have a play area, with a rule sign at the gate. The first five rules were normal, like don't throw things, and wear the wristband for proof of purchase. The sixth rule was "Parents, don't leave your kids unsupervised". Underneath that, in italics, read "Kids left unsupervised will be given espresso and promised a bunny". My parents and I started cackling madly. MLIA

Today, while driving with my boyfriend to his house, we passed a guy riding a bike without both of his hands on the handle bars. Reason they weren't there? He was playing the guitar. I wish I could obtain even just half of that level of awesomeness when I get older. MLIA.

Today, I took a math test. We were instructed to "show all our work", but I only used my calculator. When I finished my test a flipped my paper over and drew a replica of my TI-89+ and circled the buttons I pressed the most. The girl next to me filled the backside of her paper with equations and numbers. I got full credit, She did not. MLIA

Today, I went through the McD's drive through and ordered a #3 with a cinnamelt. I realized I did not have enough money for the cinnamelt so I quickly drove out of line and pulled in a parking spot by the door. I walked in and, almost as if puzzled as to what I should get, I ordered simply a #3. I was happy to have enough money for the essentials. The man proceeded to hand me a bag and said, "here. there's a cinnamelt in there for you too. some ass hole just drove off after ordering." MLIA

Today, I was having car trouble so I texted my mechanic cousin asking what I should do. We had a ten minute conversation before I realized I had the wrong number and wasn't talking to my cousin at all. Thanks stranger for your advice. My car works now. MLIA

Ik moet echt vaker tekenen bij toetsen - het schijnt het geniaal te werken XD